Gluten Free Misogyny

“Dress how you want to be addressed.”

This line of thinking is heavily flawed so let’s debunk it,shall we?

If a person is inherently disrespectful,they will disrespect you.That’s literally it. They’re only using your mode of dressing as leverage to bring you down for whichever reason.

Now,in occasions where people, especially women,wear clothing that is considered “sexually provocative” ,it is labelled disrespectful to their own bodies and dignity and blamed on erosion of moral principles as well as attention seeking behavior targeted at the opposite sex. Well,in some cases,this is true. But a lot of people still think “I’m doing this for myself” is just an excuse to behave immorally and “dodge” the consequences of those actions,such as attracting unsolicited attention from men. So let me put it this way, sexuality has always been a stronghold of patriarchal oppression targeted at women by yielding shame and guilt surrounding sexual identity and therefore enabling sexual submission and ownership by their male counterparts,especially significant others.Expression or even recognition of themselves (women)as just as much naturally sexual beings is seen as moral degradation by both men and women hence the view that men are “biologically” more sexual beings and women are more passive, which we all know is a hoax by now.So when a woman does  what she wants with her own body on her own terms, regardless of what that looks like,it is in fact a power move to reclaim a part of herself that the patriarchal society that we live in has tried incomprehensibly hard to take from her and dictate when, where, how,with whom and to what extent she is allowed to exercise he sexual freedom. Therefore expression of a woman’s sexuality and recognition of her identity is not equal to her “objectifying” herself but rather her coming into a fuller realization of who and what she is. With that being said,it’s no woman’s job to live up to anyone else’s expectations of modesty, but those people’s reactions, thoughts and actions when they counter a woman doing or dressed in a way that they categorize to be sexually provocative are their own responsibility.

Now that we’ve gotten the basics out of the way,let’s answer some questions.

“Well if she’s so confident,why does she need to prove it to us,why can’t she just do that in private?”

Now, I’ve realized this question is not asked by people that are confident in their own identity and seeing that from another person sheds light on their insecurities. The notion that someone’s entire reason to show up the way they do is solely to be noticed by you just blows my mind. They feel good, confident and comfortable expressing themselves that way and that’s why they do it.

Next, “she knows she’s going to get a lot of unsolicited attention from people that want to ‘use’ her sexually,why can’t she just save that for her man?No man is going to marry a woman like that.” Again, sexual expression and identity is personal and it is entirely up to her to decide how,when,where,with whom and to what extent she’s comfortable exercising her sexual freedom.Also Charlie,a ring is no longer as much of a flex as it used to be, happiness, general personal elevation and peace and mind are considered far more important now. Also, more and more women prefer to stay single because they no longer need to get married to get any form of security.

“You can’t dress like that and expect to be respected by men,you look like a hoe and no man is going to want you for more than just sex.” Illusion number one, women always want more than sex from men, that’s not true. Most men are nowhere close to being eligible for healthy growing relationships with women. And women demanding to be respected regardless of their clothing doesn’t mean we have a deep personal investment into what men think of us. For most of us,it just means being left the hell alone,if you don’t like what we’re wearing, ignore us. Don’t stare like you’re shocked she has titties, don’t call us names,hit on us aggressively, or generally just invest your energy into making us uncomfortable. Go on about your day like a normal adult. Also, women have been called hoes just for disagreeing and not allowing men’s fragile masculinity or people’s insecurities to be projected onto them and be burdened with responsibility of shit that’s not theirs to handle or be responsible for.

“They do that because they have daddy issues.” Okay Simon,and what about it? Let’s assume you’re right. The women still are not accountable for the actions or choices of people that are not them.The shortcomings of any other person are simply not their responsibility. Also,if she indeed survived that level of neglect from her father and still turned out this devastatingly fantastic,she should be worshipped! So I suggest you talk to your own father and stop projecting.

Lastly,if your only justification for treating someone disrespectfully is the way they’re dressed, you are actually a menace to society and not in a good way,because the level of maturity and self control you have to lack first in order to be that guy that disrespects women just based off of clothing and your own interpretation of ‘why’ they’re dressed like that is literally the mindset of a sexual predator.

Y’all stay safe though.

~wanjiru~

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