Crimes Of The Heart

Looking at the teddy bear on the floor, I realized three things; there’s a streak of white around its neck, its eyes are too big for its head, and there was a dead baby next to it. I must have stabbed it like seven, eight times. Nine, but who was counting. Okay ten, I stabbed it ten times, but I’ll get to that shortly.

Today has been one of those days you know, the first morning that actually managed to put a smile on my face without me having to talk to my favorite person. I’ve missed her though, so much. Okay the morning was just chill, and the sun came out today. It was that kind of morning that makes you feel like singing along to one of those songs where the birds join in. Instead of that I cranked up the bluetoos dewise to some morio anzenza, XXXL ndio jacket and njege masanse wakwende in order to cleanse myself from such Disney princess thoughts and to appease my inner gangster and the toxic masculinity gods, before they send down amerix’s tweets to torment me in my dreams. Though I’m pretty sure the stabbing thing has got the tormenting part covered.

I’ve always said that there’s three kinds of people out there; the ones who care so much about themselves they don’t even mind pressing others for it, the ones who care enough to complain when things get tough, and then there’s the rest of us who just need coffee, good Wi-Fi and those two people we are always talking to on the green app to keep our minds off oppressing others and complaining about being oppressed. We just don’t care about hikes in fuel prices, or increased call rates, or new prices of bread, or some ongoing pandemic. We care enough just to make conversation on the queue in the supermarket, but ultimately, we don’t really mind cause life still goes on as usual. I mean so what if call rates increased, the three people in my logs don’t care, so why should I. So, what if bread or milk is more expensive, I will still make a sandwich every day at 5pm, and so what if mom wanted me to babysit today…It’s not like I have anything against babies and babysitting.

See he was just there in his stroller, sucking his pacifier like nobody’s business, with his big blue baby eyes fixed at me and his hands glued onto his teddy bear. I was there caught between being terrified and making funny faces at him. This was new territory for me, I mean I am and have always been a baby, but I haven’t even the slightest clue what to do with one. What if he’s one of those spy-baby Baby Corp employees like in Boss Baby, and he wants me to leave the room so he can poof off to their headquarters in the clouds and do some secret agent baby stuff? What if he’s not, and I pick him up and he starts crying? What if…

“Oh, come on, he doesn’t bite, mostly,” said mom as she walked in the room.

“Its looking at me.” I replied.

“He’s just a baby.”

“I know, and its looking at me…weird.”

“Enjoy your day sweeties.” She said leaving.

Did she really have to go to work today? I know there was an emergency and everything but if you asked me, the real emergency was right there at home staring at me as if I was a giant teddy bear. I wish I could talk to babies; no, I wish talking to babies would be as easy as talking to the little voice in my head. The little annoying know-it-all voice in my head, that I haven’t heard from today…

HIM: Hey, so what have we done today?

Guess I spoke too soon.

ME: Math, a lot of math. Ooh and I think we committed a murder today.

HIM: That’s not all is it?

ME: Oh, come on, you know everything.

HIM: I know you’ve been thinking about her, haven’t you? You do know that it’s okay to feel…

ME: You know I feel like this little chitchat of ours is not going anywhere. How about you crawl back to the little hole you hide in when I need your help in the exam room.

HIM: Fine, fine… you giant baby.

ME: And how about I don’t hear from you for a few minutes, I’m busy here.

HIM: Oh, I see, you are making a call, calling home or calling her? It’s been three minutes dude, and nobody has picked up yet.

ME: Three! My watch says it’s been five minutes.

HIM: You forget that wristwatch of yours is one of those ‘a watch gains ten seconds every hour’ type of watches you get for 150 shillings pale CBD. Didn’t I warn you about those things.

SILENCE

HIM: But hey, don’t overthink whatever happened this afternoon, its not like it was your fault.

ME: Shut up.

HIM: Fine, but where are we going?

ME: Anywhere. Anywhere but home.

HIM: Okay, I could play you some music, Nyashinski’s Too Much?

ME: Perfect.

HIM: You do know that eventually you’ll have to…

ME: Just shut up, and enjoy the music, please.

HIM: Okay boss, but just two things here- one you’ll have to talk to your mom soon, face to face, and two those stupid feelings will get someone hurt you know, you or her again.

ME: (SIGH)Welcome to my world.

HIM: Ha, and this world of yours, you’re letting just anyone in nowadays.

ME: I let you in… and she’s not just anyone you know.

HIM: That I know. I also know that the baby made you do it and you’ve always loved her- you never stopped loving her. Now you’re just a kid with a story not even you believe, at payphone trying to call…nobody knows who. Your only crime was telling stories and hiding your feelings in those stories. I just hope that this time someone will understand them and help you out of this mess.

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