“Is he actually funny or am I just laughing to speed this up?”
I blew an exasperated breath as I resigned myself to my self assigned gallows.I really should have stayed home.His unforgiving guillotine of dry conversation kept battering my psyche mercilessly.So,I did what anyone else would do,text a friend to save you.
“Gurrrrrl I want out, call me right now!”
I typed as fast as I could below the table, all the while nodding and smiling at him.
“You’re just 15 minutes in, it’s that bad?”
I rolled my eyes and giggled as I typed out my response.
“save me, I’ll tell you when I get home.”
“You owe me…. Again” with a facepalm emoji. I love her. Placing my phone strategically on the table after conveniently changing her caller ID to “mom”, I waited, with suspicious new interest in whatever he’d been having a conversation with himself about. Twirling my fork in the vegetable side plate I had no intention of eating from anymore. Then my phone rang, as planned, with “mom” and a heart emoji flashing across the screen too boldly to miss. Feigning oblivion, I composed myself, cleared my throat and picked the call.
“Yes mom, I’m out with a friend.”
And let’s just say I’m an amazing actress, I had feigned urgency, shock and had escaped in a record time of just under three minutes.
As I wandered down the streets to a caffe, I had an oddly giddy vibe about me. Had I long forgotten the terrible date and didn’t even have the slightest scowl on my face regarding the assault my high heel clad feet were currently experiencing.
Where have I seen that face before? I had no idea yet.
Settling down in the corner of the café by the window, I stirred my latte as I looked out into the city. The reflection of the city’s lights on the glasses of the windows caused random reflections in the café which to me always felt…safe. I was safe with my thoughts here,with the lights, the windows and my corner as I sipped my latte till I had the answers I often came here to seek.
My thoughts were interuppted with a notification on my phone, a message from my bestfriend and housemate. Me savior from earlier.
“Hey, you coming home soon? Where are you?”
I decided to call her instead and unload, it wasn’t that late so I wasn’t really going home soon anyway.
“Buh why would he even ask you that tho”
She asked shaking her head in disapproval as I laughed at the ridiculousness of the memory. Lifting my head momentarily as I sipped my latte, I met his face. One table across from me, staring down at me curiously.
At this point, if my guardian angel put my evening peace on the table in a round of poker with the other angels in her crib, she was definitely losing.
Why is he still looking at me like that! Of all the times my lungs could demand a raise, this had to be it? I was suffocating right next to a partially opened window! My insides were all hollow with some vital organs either at a complete stop or severely malfunctioning!
And no, I absolutely did not at least have the decency to look cute while completely embarrassing myself. Yours truly was out here sounding like a hyperventilating horse on crack. The facial contortions and weird overall posture will be analyzed in a latter anxiety driven overthinking episode, just hang in there.
That’s it, someone shoot me please. The shame of surviving this and facing him in another debate would be too much to live through!
While excusing myself from my table and grabbing my purse and phone to go clean up in the washrooms, I might have lost balance once or twice in his field of view. That is if I hadn’t looked like a pathetic colleague scrambling away to save the remnants of her dignity that her miscalculation in swallowing timelines had very ungracefully scattered.