Maybe

Have you ever wondered why the first letter of the alphabet and the first letter of the word alphabet are both a? You have, then you must be very insane and for that reason wendawazimu wote tupatane nyuma ya tent, nimewafichia soda kadhaa, and as we take them you’ll have to explain to me in not less than 450 words why you haven’t told your friends about Manenoz, selfish jerk! Ebu tell them,  and show them what they’re missing out on, otherwise I will look for you, I will find you and I will force you to buy me a coffee.

Its a few seconds to 6:55 pm, my date is in five minutes. Am I nervous…not really, I’ve learned a thing or two from walking into exam rooms with zero percent content and a hundred percent confidence. Okay maybe I am nervous, just a lil bit though. Now picture this, she will walk in through that door at seven on the dot, dressed in a cute black outfit, like the ones she usually wears under her work apron, and for a second everyone around will go silent innocently staring at and admiring her. Until their eyes start revealing their true intentions: some mentally undressing her, some cursing her for making their dates momentarily lose interest in them and the rest wishing they were her. She will make her way to our table, throw in a ‘hey’ and from there it will be all good vibes, drinks, laughter, stealing glances at each other and all that stuff.

Now slap yourself back to reality, lets get to the serious stuff.

You know how you know something, but you don’t really know it cause you won’t let yourself know it. If you don’t know that just know its a Saturday, and don’t overthink the whole knowing thing. Ukianza kuoverthink utaua vibes– Nyashinski, and besides in the next three to ten minutes depending on how fast a reader you are I’m only asking for positive vibes, and the warm tingly feeling you used to get when that kaperson you’d pinned on Whatsapp would put the pink heart emoji at the end of a text, the one with tu stars on it(💖). That was the indicator that you had reached the semifinals and if you played your cards right red hearts would be your portion…you get the feeling. I tell you those were the good old days, and they still are for some of us. I can’t speak for everyone else though…

So its a Saturday, and my normal Friday (yes Friday) includes spending an hour or two at a certain coffee place. Its usually me, my laptop, headphones and this kacute chick who serves me my coffee, the same one I am supposed to meet in five minutes. I will get to that shortly.

I was talking about the coffee place, which reminds me I owe some people coffee dates and if you’re one of them please remind me. So the coffee place, it is tiny, but its got its perks, other than the cute waitresses that is. The donuts and cupcakes are to die for, the interior decor and lighting is just perfect(you should see the place when darkness is setting in)and then there is this particular booth next to the door. Its the farthest from the counter so I can see whenever Shee (the cute chick) is coming this way so I can pretend to be so engrossed in my work. I also like it cause its close to the street outside and all sorts of people pass by talking about all sorts of stuff. Just last week these three expensively dressed boys were leaving the shop when two of their friends joined them saying, “Wababa wa kanisa, Fishers of men nowadays kazi ni kuwateka tu, na kudrip na sadaka yetu” and that did it for me. This lady once shouted to who I assume was his son, “mwaka iko karibu kufika nusu na the only thing umegain so far ni weight tu na followers ishirini instagram.

Anyway, yesterday I spoke to Shee, had a whole conversation with her actually, and I must say wow, just wow…

I was there early, and caught her on her lunch break.

“Hi, can I join you?” She asked.

“Sure.” I replied.

She smiled briefly then, “I’m actually here on behalf of all the people who are not privileged enough to make perfect chapatis, they come off as more of hexagonal.”

“Wow.”

“Wangeci, or just Shee with two Es, and don’t even bother telling me your name.”

“Well, nice to officially meet you Shee,”

“Nice to not be ignored for once.”

“Ignored?”

“Yes, severally infact. There’s the time you came to borrow my roomie’s novels and didn’t even notice me in the room, and the millions of times I brought you coffee and you were too ‘busy’ to even look up.”

“Novels…novels…ooh you’re…”

“Yes, I am her roommate,” she interrupted, and there was an awkward silence for a few seconds. “So did you quit writing or when are we seeing something new from you?”

“Soon, I hope…writers block.”

“Yeah she can be a bother at times, but you’re a great writer, you’ll come up with something soon. Like the bit on you fixing up a sandwich for your daughter as she does her homework, it was kinda cute.”

“I actually had something more on that somewhere here…”

“Can I see it?”

“Sure. Here…it…is ‘One day you’ll ask me what the shotgun in my room is for. I will smile, then sweetly explain that it is for scaring off scavengers. Then one day you will be old enough to go to prom, and when your date comes to pick you up, I will open the door shotgun in hand. I won’t shoot the poor little chap, that is only to show him that I mean business’

“Nice. Add something like this, And one day I will have to give you away to the love of your life, and I will be proud of the person you will have become, a bit sad but most importantly, I’ll be happy, because I was your first love.

“Alaa…you should be a writer.”

“No thanks, between school and my shifts here,I already have a full plate on my hands. And I think I should be going now, my supervisor has started giving me dirty looks. Pass by soon.”

“Sure thing.”

“Or…what if…”

Let me just cut the conversation there, the rest is just for me and her and this nosy looking dude who was in the next booth, I swear I saw him smile at us when we agreed to meet today, and who orders coffee in a to-go cup, and doesn’t go, weirdo!

Hang on a sec, I just got a text (with the kapink heart) …damn this cracked screen!

Now where were we, ooh the date, yes, the planning was so fast I swear I just blinked and next thing I know I was telling Wangeci “tomorrow at seven”.

Since then a lot has been running through my mind, and I don’t know, maybe its just me, or maybe I shouldn’t have eaten smokie pasuas with my screen protector money and my cheek wouldn’t have to be scratched whenever I make and receive calls, maybe I should have said I was too busy to chat at the cafe yesterday, maybe I’m still not ready to move on, maybe I’m not as over her as I thought I was, maybe I’m not even close to being over her and maybe I don’t want to get over her.

Maybe I shouldn’t have opened that text, cause now I know…and you know how you know something, but you don’t really know it cause you won’t let yourself know it…if you still don’t know, just know that ukimwona mwambie nampenda, roho yamtamani, bado nampenda, ukimwona(H_art the band)

Sorry Shee, can’t make it today…maybe another time~Chiko.

7 thoughts on “Maybe

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