Oh rocking chair! Oh rocking chair!
I love my grandpa’s rocking chair, so I pull it and have a seat. On my right hand I’m holding a vicious knife. I decided to use the last cents I had to get it.
This rocking chair is very special to me. It’s very dear to me. It’s the perfect spot for the execution of my plans. I feel like it’s the gateway to my destination: like a portal to some abyss. My grandpa used it to reach his destination. I want to go meet him, so I use the same route. I don’t know if he was motivated by his papa or grandpa to use this route too or he invented it. If he invented it, then I consider him my hero.
Why did my dad not use this route by the way? Or maybe this mentality appears alternately like a generational disease. My biology teacher once gave me an example of her family. You know she loved giving us real stories because she had this belief that we would grasp the concept by linking the two. I never linked the two because my mind was so pessimistic about the subject. She told us that her grandma had cancer, breast to be precise. Her children escaped but it landed on her granddaughter: my teacher’s sister. Yeah, so maybe I can link the two: finally!
My knife is so sharp I cannot even feel it without a cut on my finger. It will be my friend today. I want to make this interesting, so I decide to give my friend a name. Knife, I’ll just call you Blade. Let me tell you a story first.
Jonathan McReynolds prayed to God and asked Him to deliver him from people. When I first heard that song, I didn’t understand what he meant. I was like ‘what the hell is this?’. Recently, I’ve seen hell in my life and then I became like, ‘what the heaven was that guy singing?’. I took some time to listen to every word that he sang. My heart sank in shame and despair because the stone I had rejected had become the cornerstone. Oh gosh Jonathan I’m really really sorry, I am ashamed!
One time I was from church and I met this guy. I really like him but he’s like the horizon: if you approach, he recedes. You just have to wait for the day God will plan a rendezvous and that day He did just that. He’s so happy to see me and so was I. We decided to talk over some pizza. We had no other choice but to get to pizza inn though I prefer Domino’s pizza. What does it take for Domino’s to set up a place in your town? Whatever it is we are far from it but that’s no issue, itabidi nimezoea!
Lemme give this guy a dummy name…ummm..lemme call him Jose. He walked to the counter to place an order: one pizza (medium size) and some soft drinks. As he waited in the queue my eyes couldn’t help but scrutinize him a bit. He seemed so calm even though the guy ahead of him was causing a scene. He was arguing with the attendant about Jose knows what. He suddenly stormed from the counter and bumped into Jose making his phone dive to the floor. Jose picked up his phone calmly and kept a smile. I couldn’t resist a smile that emanated from the edge of my lips, so I just obliged. The patience, the calmness, the peace: these were strange to me.
I became so deeply rooted in my thoughts I didn’t realize Jose in front of me. “We’ll wait for around 20 minutes,” he said.
“Okay Jose. How’ve you been it’s been long! I can see you haven’t stopped being emotionally intelligent.” I teased. He then said, “I’ve been good, life here and there. I think the question here is how are you doing?” (In my mind) I am tired, I am lost, I am angry, I am depressed and I am mad. I feel like giving up. Life is really a tough place for me to survive in. My heart is very heavy maybe it was made from lead. I am lonely, like a lion stripped of its throne. I don’t have motivation, so I just sit down and watch my days come and go like clouds in the wind. It’s astonishing how the closest people, even of your own blood, can find pleasure in sucking it.
Jose noticed it and asked, “Hey, why the silence?” somehow my mouth couldn’t say all that that my mind was thinking. Jose is one genius I really respect especially after he responded as if he were listening to my thoughts. “I know you are at a bad position right now. You may not say it, but I can see it in your eyes. People in this world will disappoint you so much. It doesn’t matter who it is even your own mother will make you go crazy. In this world it is only you and God who can give you what you want. When people disappoint you, it is your reaction that matters and most of the time that is what is keeping you down. You have to understand that human beings are human beings…”
My mind suddenly shifted into another galaxy of thoughts. My eyes were still present, so I saw Jose’s lips bobbing up and down, but my ears couldn’t hear anything. ‘Human beings are human beings’, I caught that!
So most of the time I’m usually alone and idle so the devil creeps into my mind and opens a workshop.
There was this time I was idle as usual. I was holding Blade in my hand and then I thought of Bob. I had asked Bob to hand me my flash disk, but it seemed he was more interested in what I’d do to him if he didn’t. I imagined myself storming into his bedroom with Blade in hand. I stabbed him thrice in his abdomen and left him for dead. I was shocked at what I had just imagined and more shocked when in my heart, I felt like it was the right thing to do.
From then I was afraid of the things I would do if people tried to cross my line. I was afraid of the person I was becoming. One thing about people like us is that we only want one simple thing: loyalty. We are very willing to love and be good to people with the expectation of the same, but we end up being stabbed in the back.
So today I’m seated in my rocking chair, one thing I know is that I am a threat to society. I think I have already passed the threshold; I might kill someone if they try to joke around with me and I am totally freaking out because I cannot imagine myself stabbing a fellow human being.
I rarely watch news but when I do, I see stories of people butchering their parents, others axing their girlfriend’s heads, others terminating their wives and children altogether. I’ve never really understood what goes on in their minds when they do so but now I do.
I’m holding blade against my neck, moving him left and right but I lack the energy to do what you’re thinking I’ll do. On the other side of thoughts, I want to eliminate this monster that is taking control of me. I am in a dilemma, a quagmire of fate’s making!
So I’m just seated there. Blade on my neck, ass on my rocking chair, waiting for my savior. Just to say the truth, I cannot do what you think I’m about to do because I’m afraid. I can neither do anything else: synergy levels zero, zero purpose in life. I cannot stand myself because in the next minute we could be talking about a homicide and life imprisonment. All I have is hope, hope that my savior will just appear from nowhere and help me before all hell breaks loose.
Oh rocking chair! Oh rocking chair!