‘Maybe he likes the back shot,’ Linda thought. She repositioned herself on the king sized bed so that she knelt and supported herself forward with the palm of her hands. She pushed her tongue out and rocked back and forth as if she was practicing for what was to come. She thought of how bitchy she must’ve looked in doggy and smiled. Her expression turned serious on thinking back to the innocent girl she had been when she first arrived in Nairobi. She remembered her Christian upbringing and felt guilty for a moment. No! She was never going to blame herself for what life had made her do. Did society really expect her to starve when the Lord had given her assets she could rent out? She thought back of when she was shy around men. Life in her little village of Kanyanyaini had done little, if anything, to prepare her for the life of dating. That was to be expected for in those days there was no such a thing as courtship. Your parents received the offers and made a decision. All you had to say was yes. All you could say was yes. After all, what is the value of a girl if not the cost paid for her by her future husband’s family? She escaped that life of servitude and poverty for the bliss and glamor that she thought was the city. Little did she know… Little did she know…
She had left the result of her earliest sexual escapades at home watching TV. She often looked at him. Really looked at him. It was more of staring if you were to ask the little fellow who had just graduated from kindergarten days ago. She observed to see whether the sleeping pills she had mixed with his milk while he was a toddler had had any effect on his development. She wondered whether the many days he had gone on an empty stomach had affected any part of him. She had only used him once in her line of work but she forever regretted it. He had gone hungry for almost the entire week and had she not done what she did, he might have died out of starvation. Regret weighed heavily on her eyes as she eyed him. He hadn’t asked to be born. But neither had she.
She suddenly snapped out of her head and found that she had been supporting her head with her hands. She sighed relief on realizing that she hadn’t cried. Tears really ruined her make-up. She had always been insecure about her looks but this was different. This was business. The hardest part in her line of work was determining what the client liked, what he enjoyed. It might not have been the noblest of professions but it was way better than some of the stuff she had done before. She looked at her watch and realized that this guy had been in the bathroom for half an hour now. He had seemed hesitant. It must have been his first time. She loved first timers; They were easy to control, easy to please. They were actually more interested in pleasing the worker, which was nice for a change. Inside the bathroom, Julius washed his face. It was the third time he was doing so. He decided it was time to man up. He would go out and do what he intended. She wanted this after all. This was her fault. He checked one last time to ensure that the gun was loaded. Linda was right. It was going to be his first time; His very first time.
35 minutes earlier…
Julius had paid in cash. It was easier and less traceable. He had done his best to change his looks but deep down he was still the same guy. He led the way and held the door for the girl to come in. A gentleman’s act. But then again cows don’t know when they are being fattened for slaughter, do they? His palms were sweaty.
‘First time?’ The girl smiled. She was now sitting on the bed. She was trying to seem nice but to him she always seemed sadistic.
‘Yeah.’ It was but a mere whisper. Her nod was contradicted by the sneer she had. Perhaps she didn’t mean it. Maybe it was subconscious. She sat up and began rummaging through her handbag for what Julius suspected to be CDs.
‘I’ll go freshen up first,’ he dashed into the bathroom before she could even lift her head to look at him. He hoped she hadn’t noticed anything; That the plan was still intact.
‘This is her fault,’ he kept repeating to himself as though he ever doubted it. He was startled on looking at the mirror. He smiled. A genuine smile. He had almost not recognized himself. With the glasses and the khaki clothing he looked quite casual. He thought back to when life was different. When life was good. He had just gotten engaged to a girl from a prestigious background. Money wasn’t the issue for he too wasn’t from humble beginnings. The upbringing was and Mercy met the criteria. God-fearing and submissive was all he cared for. He didn’t even prioritize looks. Beauty, after all, always lies in the eyes of the beholder.
His family had been overjoyed. He had been a good boy. He was even an evangelist by then. All the arrangements were made and he even paid dowry; But only as a formality for he truly did believe human value cannot be estimated. Yet now as he held the heavy metallic weapon of mass destruction in his hands, he came face to face with the reality that his view had changed. It had rained a little but the sun was up. His mother, ever the optimist, had told him that that was a good sign. It was a sign that God had consented to their union. If that was so then why? Why would He have allowed a fraud of a girl in rags to stop the wedding ceremony? Why would He allow her to accuse him of fathering and later on abandoning the toddler she held in her arms in front of his bride? Why!?
He had started crying. He didn’t even realize it until a yawn from outside brought him back to the present. He couldn’t imagine that she had the audacity to yawn! How dare she!? She destroyed his life and future yet was now tired of waiting for just a few minutes? That wretch! But today was her day! Today she would pay for her sins. The Lord would have to show her mercy for he wouldn’t. He noticed that his face shone with sweat and decided to wash it one last time. I’m sure God must’ve been anxious as he looked down on this son of his. Why didn’t he think to look back at how famished the boy looked in Linda’s arms back in church? Why couldn’t he realize that this could be a blessing in disguise? That his parents disowning him and the church excommunicating him gave him a chance to be his own man? But that might be overthinking the whole situation. Perhaps it was all part of His grand design. A part of the destiny that runs the world and is written in great detail in some book up in heaven. As Julius checked to see that the gun was loaded, he was sure that Linda wasn’t in the next pages of that book. He turned the knob and opened the bathroom door, gun in hand…